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A chat with a little girl on her porch...

A man was walking past a house when he saw a little girl sitting on the front porch, playing with a little puppy. He paused to say hello. "Hi there," he said. "What's your name?" She replied in a sweet, high-pitched voice, "My name's Petal." "That's a beautiful name," the man commented. "How did your parents choose it?" She explained, "Well, when Mummy and Daddy were... *making me*... they looked out the window and saw a beautiful rose petal float by. So they named me Petal." "Wow, that's a lovely story," the man said. "And a very pretty name." He then gestured to the puppy. "And what's your puppy's name?" The little girl beamed, "His name is Porky!" The man chuckled. "Porky? That's an... interesting name. Why do you call him Porky?" The little girl replied "Because he fucks pigs."

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1. You got hit by a rental car?

Yeah, it Hertz.

2. If April showers bring May flowers, what do Mayflowers bring?

Pilgrims!

3. Why do Sith Lords’ phones have good batteries?

They have unlimited power

4. Why don't aliens come visit us?

Because we only have one star.

5. My friend asked if I wanted to visit Xinjiang

I said I wasn't too Uyghur to do it

6. Why are husbands like old cars?

Because they're hard to get started in the morning, emit foul odours, and don't work half the time!

7. I believe in eugenics.

People who don’t want kids should be removed from the genepool.

8. I wrote a poem about the bottom of the ocean

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